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If love is a labour I'll slave till the end

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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2006|12:07 pm]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |pensivepensive]

Fuck it has been a long time since I wrote in this damn thing.

I have been clean off of heroin for the last year now. I'm pretty fucking amazed with myself and glad, too. One of my old junkie buddies passed away at the end of last month and I am having a really hard time dealing with it. He OD'ed, which I know is not at all anything I could have stopped but part of me seriously thinks that I definitely enabled a major part of his heroin abuse. I mean I was the person that went with him downtown every day for a good solid 4 months trying to find dope. I drove him to get the goods every day. I sat at his house with him and Jamie and sat there and fucking did nothing other than blow and dope all day long. It's really fucking weird that he's gone. I have to say that I miss him a lot because he was one of the most amazing people I will have ever had the chance to meet. There was a lot of great things about him that the heroin started to detract from and he wasn't himself so much anymore the last time I saw him. He will be missed dearly though.

Things just seem so fucked lately. I'm having a hard time these days just functioning. I am still deeply in love with Jamie but there are times I am too stupid to realize it and I fuck shit up. And it's difficult reminding yourself how much you love someone when a new person starts to sort of make you feel that way too.

If anyone still uses this and hasn't been able to get a hold of me my myspace is jamesdeanqueen and I could use someone to talk to once in ahile.
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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2006|11:37 am]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |chipperchipper]

It is so beautiful outside. No clouds, just pure blue sky. It puts me in a really good mood, actually.

So I want This hearse really really bad. I would put the sexiest flame job you would ever see on it.

On another random note, I need some ideas for a 19 year old boyfriend for Valentine's Day. Help!
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Survey Time! [Feb. 8th, 2006|09:30 pm]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |jubilantjubilant]
[music |Big River- Johnny Cash]

1. Where were you when the ball dropped for 2006?
At my lovely boyfriend Jamie's house drinking champagne and rum with him and his parents.

2. How did you get the idea for your profile name?
I am in love with James Dean, even if he's dead.

3. What time were you born?
1:23 AM... or so I am told.

4. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing?
I wish I was rocking out to some old old rockabilly right now.

5. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Johnny Cash, and George Harrison.

6. What color underwear are you wearing?
White. They have red trim and say "rock and rule" above my cunt and the back has a whole ton of multicolored guitars. I am so rad.

7. Do you want a baby?
Yeah, but I better be a lot older and married before one of those little bundles from hell pop out of me.

8. What did you do this morning?
Woke up, tried to wake up Jamie, failed, said hello to my dad, and then read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas until Jamie woke up. You don't need details after that.

9. What does your dad do for a living?
Drives taxi cab. Which makes bank.

11. Do you have a date for Valentines day?
Yep, Jamie and I are planning on going all out for it, since this is both of our first real valentine's days.

12. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number?
25, or 46

13. What was the last concert you attended?
Gwar, if you don't count local shows.

14. Who was with you?
Jamie, Todd, Evan, some stupid slutbeasts that they know and the world's ugliest dirtiest coke fiend ever. Jamie, Evan, and Todd were the only ones I went with to begin with.

15. What was the last movie you watched?
Six Feet Under doesn't count... so Zombie Honeymoon. The world's worst student film school bullshit zombie movie to exist. So let's ignore that and say Walk the Line.

16. Who do you dislike at the moment?
Many many raging slutbeasts.

17. What food do you crave right now?
French Fries with ranch.

18. Did you dream last night?
Yeah, I dreamt I was a whore. No joke. I was at a sex party, fucking strangers. I fully blame the last episode of Six Feet Under that Jamie and I watched last night.

19. What was the last TV show you watched?
American Idol, because I am a sucker.

20. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
My cat's eye ring... it's two toned blue jewel set in streling silver with a little band of diamonds running across it.

21. What was the last thing you ate?
Broccoli Cheddar rice.

22. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
Jamie, hands down. He's technically my best friend, period.

23. Write a song lyric that's in your head?
"I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down" (Johnny Cash- Cocaine Blues)

24. Are you on any meds?
Ortho Evra (Birth Control)... and uh any free pain killers I can score from other people haha.

25. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The right side.

26. What shirt are you wearing?
Edward Scissorhands tee.

27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
Any Ben and Jerry's.

28. How many tattoos/piercings?
3 tattoos (4th coming in March), 7 ear piercings

29. What's your favorite store?
Hmm. Target, maybe Torrid clothes-wise. Everyday Music is the best music shop though.

30. Are you thirsty right now?
Yes, but I don't feel like getting up to grab my 7-up.

31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?

32. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?

33. What did you do last night?
Hung out with Kaiti, took Jamie to school, picked him up, came home, watched six feet under, had sex, passed out.

34. Do you care what people think about you?
Yes, and no. I care enough to not offend people, but I'm still myself.

35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
Who hasn't?

36. What song(s) do you think ex's listen to and think of you?
I don't really have any official ones of those so I can't say much.

37. What song(s) do you listen to and think of ex's?
Nothing because slimey trolls aren't worth thinking about, and he and I were never official (mostly because he was engaged and just fooling around with me on the side, grrr. stupid fat bastard.)

38. What is one thing you wish you were better at?
Not being jealous.

39. What hurts you?

40. Do you like the person who posted this last?
I went to school with her, she was fun to talk to in acting class.
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True Love [Feb. 8th, 2006|09:13 pm]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |deviousdevious]

Happy 75th Birthday, James Byron Dean.
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(no subject) [Feb. 3rd, 2006|08:53 am]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
I ate mushrooms last night for the first time.
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2006|01:03 am]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
I feel so emotionally drained. Jamie and I just discussed the past year of our relationship. I'm glad because I was needing some acknowledgement that I am not going crazy (which is debatable) by thinking that he has changed. Which isn't a bad thing. Personally, I feel he has changed for the better. He's gained a fuck of a lot of responsibilty since I met him. I trust him a lot more than I used to because of this. And he says that I'm the reason that he's become who he is. He said he modeled himself after me the best he could.
I'm proud of him.
But I feel so...
I can't even explain it. I feel like I gave myself and all of my ways of life to him, so that he could change for the better. So that he could be that person he's been wanting to be. I've lost quite a bit of responsibilty recently. Not to mention I've completely detatched myself from all of my friends to the point where I have so few I feel alone when he isn't around me. I stopped my world to help him. And I feel like now that he has learned how to be the person he wants, he is abandoning me. I know he isn't but I can't help but feel that way. He reminds me everyday (okay, every 5 minutes) how much he loves me and wants us to spend as much time together as possible. But since he has learned a lot from me, he is spending more time trying to do things he should have done in his past. And I'm left here feeling like I've changed his life forever, but that he may one day leave me behind in the end.

Did I mention I should be put on anti-depressants? Because for some reason I cannot see the greatness in what I have done, I can only sit back and look onward in tears.
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151 Countries, One Angela. [Jan. 26th, 2006|12:52 pm]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
I hope drinking bleach mixed in cranberry juice will actually clean my system... because if so, I am the newest barista at Albertson's coffee bar.

On a sillier note, slogans with my name:
If You Like A Lot Of Angela On Your Biscuit, Join Our Club.
Only a Fool Breaks the Angela.
Is Angela In You?
The Future's Bright. The Future's Angela.
Just One Angela - Give It To Me!
Have an Angela and Smile.
(I know you are all saying this one to yourself)Wow! I Could Have Had an Angela!

p.s: Chronicles of Narnia is an excellent movie.
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<3 [Jan. 22nd, 2006|02:29 pm]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |lovedloved]

It's weird that I have found myself so in love.

But I cannot find the right words to write about it anymore.
Maybe it's because I've never experienced anything like this before, and I cannot comprehend my own emotions, let alone turn them in to proper words.
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Survey time [Jan. 20th, 2006|09:37 am]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |Damien Rice.]

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Yes, because alas I was too drunk to run... let alone move. Suprisingly they found A LOT of shit they could have arrested Jamie and myself for... but they only gave us MIP's for alcohol (which we didn't even have any left... so hmm..)

2. Do you close your eyes on rollercoasters?
I don't tend to ride them much, maybe because the closest one is ghetto and at Oaks Park.

3. When's the last time you've been sleigh riding?
I've never been sleigh riding... take me?

4.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I prefer sleeping with someone else. I'm a cuddler. However I need a bigger bed before this is a comfortable thing.

5. Do you believe in Ghosts?
Yes. Try living in a house built in 1895. Then tell me you don't believe in ghosts.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes, I try to be.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Yeah, but he's a celebrity, of course he gets away with it.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Angelina is sexier. She has this dominatrix bit about her.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics?
Some. I can't say I'm an expert but I can hold my own in conversation.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, please let's have a poker party and get totally smashed :)

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I cannot do that. I get tired after being awake like 20 hours.

12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house?
No, I make my daddy do it.

13. Have you ever cheated on a test?
Few times.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you go through the red lights?
Nope, too paranoid of camera lights.

15. If you could be in one place right now, where would that be?
Amsterdam, or maybe Canada. Actually I'd be happy anywhere as long as Jamie was with me.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I hate sports.

17. Have you ever Ice Skated?
Yeah. I suck.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
I usually remember them every time I wake up from one.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
A couple of days ago.

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
"Revolution", (this is hard while listening to something else), "Hard days night", "Can't buy me love", "I wanna hold your hand", "Yesterday"

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust, yes.

23. Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is?
I think he's from Howard Stern.... maybe?

24. Do you always wear your seatbelt?
Unless I am in the backseat of the car.

25. What talent do you wish you had?
Playing guitar WELL. I wish I had the talent to stick with my writing.

26. Do you like Sushi?
Yes, but only the veggie kind... hmm.

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Not really. Unless you count the time where the nurse almost gave me an empty shot.

28. What do you wear to bed?
just pj bottoms and a t-shirt

29. Have you ever been caught stealing?
I don't really steal. I make everyone else do it. haha

30. Does size matter?

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
Yes. But that's a long story I am sure no one wants to hear.

32. Rock and Roll or Rap?
Rock and Roll.

33. Do you have a relative in prison?
Probably hahahaha.

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
Who the fuck hasn't?

35. Do you know how to play chess?
Nope. Don't really care either. I'd rather play checkers.

36. What food do you find disgusting?
Onions, unless they are in onion rings (don't ask, OCD.), Pork, beef, chicken, brussel sprouts.

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?"
Hmmm. No.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
If I admitted it, would you hate me? Hahahaha, kidding.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

40. Have you ever been punched in the face?

41. When is the last time you threw up from drinking to much?
I only ever puke the next morning... no matter how much I drink. I have an awesome ability to hold liquor.

42. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?

43. Do you ever sit through a bad movie, just to see how bad it ends up?
Yep, if I spent money on it, I will hold out.

44. Would you consider yourself obsessed with anything/anyone?
Obsessed? Hello! Do you people even know me? Obsession may seriously as well be my middle name.

45. Have you ever met someone famous that you really wanted to meet?
Yeah, Art from Everclear at the point where he was my idol.

46. Have you ever been stood up?
Uh yeah.

47. When's the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?
Hmm, I could use that.

48. Did you ever do something that you didn't want to, but did anyways just to fit in?
Yeah, but let me tell you I had no patience or enthusiasum.

49. Was this fun?
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(no subject) [Jan. 19th, 2006|10:36 am]
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
I just have to say that I have never been happier in my life. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to leave his side. I can tell he loves me by the look in his eyes when I make him laugh, and by the kisses he gives me, and how he never leaves my side. I adore him.
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